today is infinitely better than yesterday... I felt like I had died and my soul forgot to notify my body.

But today is good. I am grateful... I am standing up and sitting down with pain... but it is a fly in the air, buzzing around my brain, not a lion's roar that deafens me. I had D on my shoulders in the grocery store today with only moderate discomfort. I feel guilty on the bad days when I can't carry him about. It makes me feel like a bad mom when I have to tell him no... "Mommy loves you, but I can't hold you right now." Now every time he doesn't want to do something I ask, he tells me that he can't. How proud can I be that I was the one who taught him the word? But today I held him high. He squealed with bouts of uncontrollable laughter when I danced to the muzak playing overhead. He started to sing his favorite songs that didn't go along with the tune, but he didn't care... so we danced along with his songs. At least I can hold onto that. I am teaching him that sometimes you have to sing your own song even if it doesn't fit what is going on around you. He clapped his hands and danced with me amongst the bags of discount coffee beans, goat cheese and soy yogurt.

If nothing else, I can show him that you can use pain to clarify instead of letting it destroy you. It burns away the excess, leaving only what is important... and that whenever you can... dance. Life is too precious to waste the good days.

Drake is sleeping and my house is quiet.
Eli is camped out next to me, snoring into my favorite pair of jeans.
Richard is working today.
I have food in my fridge and gas in my car,
I am able to type :D

Today is good.

I am intensely grateful for today.